LIVE A LIFE THAT FEELS RIGHT
The loving mother teaches her child to walk alone. She is far enough from him so that she cannot actually support him, but she holds out her arms to him. She imitates his movements, and if he totters, she swiftly bends as if to seize him, so that the child might believe he is not walking alone....And yet, she does more. Her face beckons like a reward, an encouragement.
Thus, the child walks alone with his eyes fixed on his mother's face, not on the difficulties in his way. He supports himself by the arms that do not hold him, and constantly strives towards the refuge in his mother's embrace, little suspecting that in the very same moment that he is emphasizing his need of her, he is proving that he can do without her, because he is walking alone.
~Soren Kierkegaard
Mom
You do so much more than you realize. And I honor you and the role you take in a child's life. I think you work really hard every day and tend to be generous to a fault, full of good intentions, and often falling short of your own self-imposed expectations (or so you think). You don't always think you know what you're doing, but you get up every morning and do it anyway .... because that's what a mom does. You take care of things, especially those you love.
Unfortunately, you don't always apply the same care to yourself. You often forget to nurture yourself in ways that can keep you healthy, stable, and happy at your core. And more often than not, you forget to "fill your well" or remind yourself that "mom" is only one piece of your greater whole self. You do have your own needs, wants, interests, goals, and ambitions.
Mom
I know this to be true because I've been in your shoes. I raised my children, and I've experienced the challenges that may be yours at this moment. And I can assure you of one fundamental truth: Neglect yourself long enough and you will lose yourself in the never ceasing, always growing, demands and responsibilities related to your job as mom.
When I was pregnant, I thought about the physical challenges that would be mine - the sleep deprivation, changes to my body, and workload that comes with having kids. But I didn't consider or prepare for how my new life as "mom" would affect me mentally, emotionally, financially, psychologically, socially, sexually, and pretty much any other "ally" you can think of.
It wasn't long before I looked in the mirror and didn't recognize the person looking back at me.
It wasn't long before I was having DBB's. Daily breakdown breaks, usually in the attic or bathroom.
It wasn't long before I was comparing myself to other mothers and wondering why I was having so much trouble adjusting.
It wasn't long before I started losing interest in my hobbies and ambitions, along with my interest in sex and seeing my friends.
And it wasn't long before my self-esteem plummeted and I became stuck in autopilot, doing all I was "supposed" to do while losing my way, my sense of self, in the process.
Motherhood is probably the most transformative experience you'll ever have and most women struggle at some point along the way. That's because motherhood is demanding and all-consuming (whether you have a job/career outside the home or not) and it requires us to engage when we're with our children, all the time, every day of our lives. This, in itself, is exhausting.
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Motherhood also changes more than your priorities, schedule, lifestyle, income, and relationships. It changes YOU as I mentioned -- physically, emotionally, psychologically, socially, sexually, professionally, financially, spiritually, etc. And IF you perceive any of these changes as undesirable, you may actually grieve because you lost something important to you from your former lifestyle or identity. We grieve all losses to some degree.
Mom
If you're struggling, feeling overwhelmed, anxious, lost, or wanting to understand how this major life transition might be affecting you, please consider reading my book, Missing In Action: How Mothers Lose, Grieve, and Retrieve Their Sense of Self. Reading Missing In Action may be a great way to prepare for your journey to create more of what you need or want in your life, and for yourself, so that your life feels right.
Endorsements
Missing In Action is interesting from the start. the author is in full command of the prose and of the ideas she is presenting. The author's personal stories and the stories of the mothers she interviewed are intimate and moving. The author's caring voice and passion for the subject matter come across strongly throughout. The content will appeal to a wide audience. Every mother will be able to relate to this material to some degree, and will know others who would benefit from reading it. This is one of the best nonfiction books I've evaluated in two years. It was a pleasure to read twice.
-iUniverse Independent editorial evaluator
Having a baby does change everything, and Anne M. Smollon does a wonderful job detailing these changes and the effect they can have on mothers. Anne and I have had a long, personal association and I have enjoyed every conversation we've had around her book. Missing In Action is great because it's written in the colloquial voice of a mom but with the clarity and insightful nature of a seasoned therapist. Truly one of the best resources available for all women struggling to keep their sense of self amidst the chaos we happily know as motherhood.
-Val Corace, Former HR Director, Johnson & Johnson Corporate Headquarters
Talented writers like you have something to say and can say it with grace and intelligence. I liked your book and thought that you made a strong presentation of beset mothers dealing with multiple losses around one's self and identity, experiences all mothers can relate to. I believe that this discussion of loss [and the experience of grief] is a valuable contribution to the story of motherhood. Great read.
Well done!
-Judith Viorst, Writer, newspaper journalist, and best-selling author of over twenty books, including Necessary Losses and Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.
Anne M. Smollon has charted unnamed territory in Missing In Action, making it a less frightening journey for women lost in that land. Her informative and accessible book assures that there are many of us who've been bewildered and burdened by unsettling feelings of loss after having children. More than just comfort, though, she offers solid advice about ways to deal with those feelings that erupt around losing one's sense of self in the all-consuming nature of motherhood. A must read for all moms.
-Nora O'Dowd, Former Features Editor, The Times of Trenton.
Editor's Choice Award
Missing In Action is a journey through Maternal Intrapersonal Anxiety (MIA) told by many moms who have generously shared their stories and experiences with me. Through Missing In Action, women will better understand the link between their experience (and feelings) and the typical reaction to losing something of value, including something as abstract, and real, as one's sense of self.
Soon after writing and publishing Missing In Action, I heard that Jamie Lee Curtis was going to present to a women's group at a Hyatt Hotel. near my home in New Jersey.
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At the end of her speech, she asked if anyone in the audience had any questions. Nervous but desperate to get my book into her hands, and willing to "overstep" since I knew what she REALLY meant....I asked, "Can I give you a gift?"
She waved me down to the stage. Excited, I walked down the long aisle and handed her a copy of my book. She smiled (inauthentically I might add), took the book, and I never heard from her or saw her again. Oh well. I tried.
Every mom I've met so far instantly understands what I mean when I say, "missing in action." Between all the laundry, cooking, cleaning, shopping, changing diapers, doing homework, carpooling, negotiating, arbitrating, disciplining, and more, it's like the King in the Greek myth: we work all day to roll our stone up the mountain only to start at the bottom again when the sun rises the next day. It's so easy to get lost in this kind of space.
Don't wake up one morning and find that you're missing from your own life.
DO SOMETHING NOW!
How The LifePulse Process Can Help You
Start by asking yourself these questions
~ Do you rarely get out with just your friends, your spouse, or by yourself?
~ Do you find that you're prone to negative thinking about yourself or motherhood?
~ Is your life void of things that used to make you happy or things you used to love doing?
~ Do you find yourself getting irritated often by small things that your children or spouse do?
~ Do you cry more than usual, or find yourself wanting to drink or use other mood altering substances?
~ Do you feel like everyone - and their needs - come before you and your needs and you resent it?
~ Do you feel that you don't have the time, energy or support to do many of the things that are
important to you personally?
~ Do you feel invisible as though the "real" you is not showing up, not noticed, or pushed aside for
"more important things"?
~ Do you find yourself asking, "What happened to me?"
Depending on your answers, you might already be missing in action, or heading in that direction. This doesn't mean you're a "bad" mom. It means you're working around the clock, without the quality breaks you need, the attention to self you need, to feel your best, be your best, and sustain your self.
I know you love being a mom, and I certainly know that you love your family and all the pleasures unique to your role as mom and the interactions you have with your children, however old they may be. This truth does not negate other feelings you may be having, such as overwhelm, anxiety, depression, or fatigue.
IF you're battling these conflicting feelings, it's time to stop, and adjust your life in a way that includes you and what you personally want out of life. Explore what matters to YOU. The LifePulse Process was created to highlight meaningful aspects of your self – not how to improve your self. You are good enough despite any doubts that may surface.
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Through The Process, you'll recognize the aspects of your self that reflect the real, personally fulfilled, beautifully unique woman that you are and the way to make sure she stays around.
Do it for your sake. And theirs.
WHEN MOM IS HAPPY, EVERYONE WINS.
Balance is key.
Balance means making sure that you don't fade into the pieces that you're juggling. Balance means recognizing that YOU are the most essential piece to the life equation and making it all "work." Balance means you must come first because you are the foundation to which all other pieces rely and are built upon.
Balance means knowing what you need, getting what you need, and keeping what you need to always be seen, heard, and understood for the woman you are or aspire to become because "it just feels right" to you.
Pursuing a dream, a favorite hobby, an unfulfilled goal, a special talent, or a persistent interest is definitely one of the most direct and effective ways for a mom to keep her sense of self strong and her "woman-ness" intact.
The LifePulse Process will
help you focus on your core values and illuminate key pieces of your life that matter most to you in this moment. Many things matter, but three core values will surface because they "speak to you" for reasons that may even be unclear to you until explored.
help you assess your situation and allow you to see what changes need to be made so that your life becomes more abundant and fulfilling in ways you need or want right now.
expose areas in your life that need emphasis in ways that make a difference to you and your overall well being and health.
help you organize your thoughts and actions in a way that provides great clarity and a path to the change you want for yourself.
help you get specific on the details of what you want, how you envision yourself and your life, and how to manifest it.
help you strategize and then determine the action plan that emphasizes what you discovered during The Process.
teach you how to build the personal boundaries you need to safeguard your sense of self and your lifepulse, so you thrive.
help you strategize and choose the most productive ways to achieve your desired outcome.
teach you the seven principles of success that top achievers subscribe to when pursuing a meaningful goal.
provide you with strategies to overcome obstacles that impede your success, such as negative self-talk and fear.
help you achieve better moods, more energy, higher self-esteem and confidence, better relationships, less angst, more patience, and more ease moving through life, especially as a mom.
Choose you right now. Join us for a LifePulse Process session and see what comes up for you, what you need more of in your life to secure your sense of self and nurture the woman within. Remember, by doing for you, you will thrive and they will benefit as well. Schedule a session TODAY!
KEEP YOUR SELF VIBRANT
